I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
