We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Randomize
