you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
