My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
It's blow job season.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Randomize
