She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
