Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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