I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
