After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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