before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
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