I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize
