I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
