dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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