I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
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