mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
