It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
