If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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