you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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