We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
