mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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