White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
