I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
