My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Randomize
