Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
