I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
