TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Randomize
