12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
