Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
i believe in u and ur pee
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
