you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
