theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
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