My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
