She said her name was "party"
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Randomize
