so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
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