In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
