thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
