Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Randomize
