i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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