I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
