I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
