he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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