I think I am morally bankrupt
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
