We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
