Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
