I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
