Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Randomize
