i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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