The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Randomize
