i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Randomize
