I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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