My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
