I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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