i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Randomize
