I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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