I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Randomize
