his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
