u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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