So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
